I recently got into a great discussion with my Midwife. She began to describe just how blessed and honored she felt to be the first one to greet new babies into the world, how each one is so unique, so different, that she truly felt personalities were represented through the entire pregnancy. She marveled at how distinct each child truly is, and having delivered countless babies, still was amazed at how these are really little unique people she is helping to bring into the world, not a blob of tissue as some people may think.
She went on to basically argue Pro-life stances to me, to which I would nod in agreement, and express how even though this is our fifth, the whole process still holds so much wonder and amazement for us. It was a joy for me to listen to the woman who would bring our newest baby into the world, and her strong beliefs in the dignity of the unborn. It got me to thinking, just how different personalities are in a larger family, how each temperament is represented, and how parenting and forming these little unique children changes dependent on the individuality of the child. One may need more of a push than others, sometimes a stern look gives the message to one child, but certainly isn’t enough for another. At times a smile or word of encouragement is the only motivation needed for some, but for others, more time and attention, a hug, or a kiss on the cheek is required to excel.
Deciphering the uniqueness of each child is not brain surgery. They find their ways to show you exactly who they are, what they love, their skills, their weaknesses, their tempers, their ways to show love, the ways they need to see love, the questions they ask, how they deal with fear, excitement, insecurity, anger, loneliness, and the list goes on. The really only necessary step to uncovering the code of each child, is to pay attention. Be there. Witness their reactions. Parenting is not a part-time job, it is the only non-paying job that requires all 24 hours of the day. It takes time to pay attention. It takes time to be there.
Often times, we have seen parents, who for whatever the reason, will project onto their children who the parent wants them to be. The parent will “give” the child a personality, which may not be the God-given one. It is dangerous to walk this line, it almost takes a step in denying the child his/her dignity by ‘forcing’ the child into one role or another. At times, the world can foster this idea, by labeling your child for you, consider these all too familiar titles: The Tomboy, The Princess, The Athlete, The Smart One, The Baby, The Responsible One and the list goes on. While the temptation is to label a child and then act accordingly, there are still many virtues that need to be learned outside the label. The Tomboy girl needs to learn the importance of wearing a dress at times. The Princess girl needs to learn how to get dirty, the Smart one needs to learn silliness , the Responsible one needs to be a kid, and the Baby needs to be responsible at times.
Again, here’s where paying attention pays off. Only when you see to which direction a child will naturally lean, will you be better prepared to form him or her. It’s not about how the parent has projected an image onto them, it is about giving them the gymnasium to explore their own temperament, so that you might witness how God made them, and how you must take who they are, and work from there.
In our day and age, society works to change even how we raise our children, and keeping perspective on balance, formation and the long term goal of holiness is the priority: our job as parents has a much broader scope.
As in any vocation, the sanctity of ourselves and others is of paramount importance. As a priest, the souls of his flock are his focus. As a parent, the souls of their children are their focus. And these are not just jobs, they are vocations, callings by God to fulfill His Will, and they are 24 hours a day, and life long commitments. Taking this seriously fills one with new conviction, new dedication, and a firm resolve to do whatever necessary in the name of formation, training, and striving for the holiness God demands. No one ever said it would be easy. However, we believe conviction is key. It’s that slang term “Suck it up” in its fullest: toughen up, straighten up, deal with it, overcome it. Granted, it lacks a certain compassion, and as we all know, we will fall, time and time again. The difference is that the Saint kept getting up after every fall. Why? Because they were convicted.
In short, there is no secret device or strategy that gives parents all the answers they will need for their life-long vocation. Other than prayer, and discerning God’s plan, the only other method is to actually spend the time necessary to build the relationship, to learn who each individual is, to pay attention, ultimately to be generous with ourselves in order to form others.
Familia 101
She went on to basically argue Pro-life stances to me, to which I would nod in agreement, and express how even though this is our fifth, the whole process still holds so much wonder and amazement for us. It was a joy for me to listen to the woman who would bring our newest baby into the world, and her strong beliefs in the dignity of the unborn. It got me to thinking, just how different personalities are in a larger family, how each temperament is represented, and how parenting and forming these little unique children changes dependent on the individuality of the child. One may need more of a push than others, sometimes a stern look gives the message to one child, but certainly isn’t enough for another. At times a smile or word of encouragement is the only motivation needed for some, but for others, more time and attention, a hug, or a kiss on the cheek is required to excel.
Deciphering the uniqueness of each child is not brain surgery. They find their ways to show you exactly who they are, what they love, their skills, their weaknesses, their tempers, their ways to show love, the ways they need to see love, the questions they ask, how they deal with fear, excitement, insecurity, anger, loneliness, and the list goes on. The really only necessary step to uncovering the code of each child, is to pay attention. Be there. Witness their reactions. Parenting is not a part-time job, it is the only non-paying job that requires all 24 hours of the day. It takes time to pay attention. It takes time to be there.
Often times, we have seen parents, who for whatever the reason, will project onto their children who the parent wants them to be. The parent will “give” the child a personality, which may not be the God-given one. It is dangerous to walk this line, it almost takes a step in denying the child his/her dignity by ‘forcing’ the child into one role or another. At times, the world can foster this idea, by labeling your child for you, consider these all too familiar titles: The Tomboy, The Princess, The Athlete, The Smart One, The Baby, The Responsible One and the list goes on. While the temptation is to label a child and then act accordingly, there are still many virtues that need to be learned outside the label. The Tomboy girl needs to learn the importance of wearing a dress at times. The Princess girl needs to learn how to get dirty, the Smart one needs to learn silliness , the Responsible one needs to be a kid, and the Baby needs to be responsible at times.
Again, here’s where paying attention pays off. Only when you see to which direction a child will naturally lean, will you be better prepared to form him or her. It’s not about how the parent has projected an image onto them, it is about giving them the gymnasium to explore their own temperament, so that you might witness how God made them, and how you must take who they are, and work from there.
In our day and age, society works to change even how we raise our children, and keeping perspective on balance, formation and the long term goal of holiness is the priority: our job as parents has a much broader scope.
As in any vocation, the sanctity of ourselves and others is of paramount importance. As a priest, the souls of his flock are his focus. As a parent, the souls of their children are their focus. And these are not just jobs, they are vocations, callings by God to fulfill His Will, and they are 24 hours a day, and life long commitments. Taking this seriously fills one with new conviction, new dedication, and a firm resolve to do whatever necessary in the name of formation, training, and striving for the holiness God demands. No one ever said it would be easy. However, we believe conviction is key. It’s that slang term “Suck it up” in its fullest: toughen up, straighten up, deal with it, overcome it. Granted, it lacks a certain compassion, and as we all know, we will fall, time and time again. The difference is that the Saint kept getting up after every fall. Why? Because they were convicted.
In short, there is no secret device or strategy that gives parents all the answers they will need for their life-long vocation. Other than prayer, and discerning God’s plan, the only other method is to actually spend the time necessary to build the relationship, to learn who each individual is, to pay attention, ultimately to be generous with ourselves in order to form others.
Familia 101
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