I got into the most disturbing conversation a few days ago at a local store. I have gotten to know a few women who work there, and they love to see the children with me. I exchanged pleasantries with one of the women who work there, and suddenly she looked at my four year old, and with her eyes welling up, she said, "I miss those days, where the issues are easier to deal with." Thinking she was trying to be funny, I replied, "Well she IS only four. How tough can life be really?"
Then out of nowhere, she broke down. She began to tell me the struggles she is currently facing with her 13 year old daughter. The night before, her daughter decided to confide in her, and tell her she had begun bulimic behavior, to control her weight, and that now, she was scared of the consequences. Not only that, but her daughter is slowing slipping inside herself, losing her self esteem, confidence and the ability to say no to peer pressure.
And the kind of peer pressure is where this conversation got disturbing. I can't even type with any detail what this 13 year old's girlfriends are pressuring her to do. The expectations that are put on these children, and yes, they are still children, are mind-boggling. 'Special favors' given to the boys in the class is one of the many sexual in nature expectations.
Needless to say, my mouth dropped open, as she tearfully told me the frustrations she is having, trying to guide her child. Not only this, but she has real fear that alerting the authorities at school will only produce backlash for her daughter, getting kicked off the sport team, and/or being the social pariah of the school for ratting.
Yikes, the innocence gone from these young girls is staggering. The self-worth of these tweens is completely absent to consent to such acts. Disturbing is not only the acts, but the pressure that the girls put on each other to perform them.
My heart broke for this mom. Aren't we all trying to figure it out? It's really so tough, and this poor mother is suffering to find answers to problems that she never imagined she'd be facing. We talked about our own youth, and how back in Jr. High and High School, these problems faced only a few, certainly not the majority. How times have changed.
I truly feel part of our responsibility as parents is to be involved in our children's lives, so as to detect any abnormality, be available for that late night conversation, to be open so our children will feel like they truly can come to us. This mom asked me what would I do in such a situation, would I alert the authorities of the school, or at least the coaches of the sport team.
I said, I would. The child's health and innocence are at stake here. Yes, her friends might find out who talked, but next year in HS, it's an all new school, all new friends. Yes, she might be kicked off the team for the bulimia, but what a great lesson, that unhealthy choices have consequences. I fear doing nothing, only reinforces the the low self-worth that this daughter must be feeling right now.
I'd raise a big stink about it. I'd talk to each of the mothers of these girls. I'd show my daughter that I think so highly of her, that I'd risk it all, so that she knew how valuable her life is, how valuable her health is, how valuable her soul is. In essence the stink I'd raise would be, yes to alert the authorities, but not only that. The purpose is show a demonstration to my daughter of how to be bold, courageous in a difficult situation. How making that right choice isn't always easy, but sometimes absolutely necessary.
Sometimes, as mothers, we forget, our children watch us, even in these kinds of situations. They watch to see, will we fight for them. They watch to see, will we show them what we expect of them, through our own behavior. They want to see in us the example.....it's not easy for us either. That's why it's called a vocation: Motherhood is a vocation. It's not easy, and sometimes it does take something serious to show us, we must change, we must be better, we must make the right decision, for our sake, and theirs.
Then out of nowhere, she broke down. She began to tell me the struggles she is currently facing with her 13 year old daughter. The night before, her daughter decided to confide in her, and tell her she had begun bulimic behavior, to control her weight, and that now, she was scared of the consequences. Not only that, but her daughter is slowing slipping inside herself, losing her self esteem, confidence and the ability to say no to peer pressure.
And the kind of peer pressure is where this conversation got disturbing. I can't even type with any detail what this 13 year old's girlfriends are pressuring her to do. The expectations that are put on these children, and yes, they are still children, are mind-boggling. 'Special favors' given to the boys in the class is one of the many sexual in nature expectations.
Needless to say, my mouth dropped open, as she tearfully told me the frustrations she is having, trying to guide her child. Not only this, but she has real fear that alerting the authorities at school will only produce backlash for her daughter, getting kicked off the sport team, and/or being the social pariah of the school for ratting.
Yikes, the innocence gone from these young girls is staggering. The self-worth of these tweens is completely absent to consent to such acts. Disturbing is not only the acts, but the pressure that the girls put on each other to perform them.
My heart broke for this mom. Aren't we all trying to figure it out? It's really so tough, and this poor mother is suffering to find answers to problems that she never imagined she'd be facing. We talked about our own youth, and how back in Jr. High and High School, these problems faced only a few, certainly not the majority. How times have changed.
I truly feel part of our responsibility as parents is to be involved in our children's lives, so as to detect any abnormality, be available for that late night conversation, to be open so our children will feel like they truly can come to us. This mom asked me what would I do in such a situation, would I alert the authorities of the school, or at least the coaches of the sport team.
I said, I would. The child's health and innocence are at stake here. Yes, her friends might find out who talked, but next year in HS, it's an all new school, all new friends. Yes, she might be kicked off the team for the bulimia, but what a great lesson, that unhealthy choices have consequences. I fear doing nothing, only reinforces the the low self-worth that this daughter must be feeling right now.
I'd raise a big stink about it. I'd talk to each of the mothers of these girls. I'd show my daughter that I think so highly of her, that I'd risk it all, so that she knew how valuable her life is, how valuable her health is, how valuable her soul is. In essence the stink I'd raise would be, yes to alert the authorities, but not only that. The purpose is show a demonstration to my daughter of how to be bold, courageous in a difficult situation. How making that right choice isn't always easy, but sometimes absolutely necessary.
Sometimes, as mothers, we forget, our children watch us, even in these kinds of situations. They watch to see, will we fight for them. They watch to see, will we show them what we expect of them, through our own behavior. They want to see in us the example.....it's not easy for us either. That's why it's called a vocation: Motherhood is a vocation. It's not easy, and sometimes it does take something serious to show us, we must change, we must be better, we must make the right decision, for our sake, and theirs.
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