A Christmas Tradition - Oplatki

Most Polish will know this one, this thin wafer symbolizing a long standing, tradition done at Christmastime: Oplatki.  Ever since the very first Christmas that I spent with my dear HH's family, I have lived this familial tradition, and with it, stages of my own emotional reaction to it.

For those of you interested in incorporating something new into your Christmas, this tradition begins with a rectangle shaped wafer, usually having some image of the Nativity on the surface.  Each person breaks off a small piece of another's while at the same time wishing or praying for some grace or virtue for God to bestow upon them. 

My husband's family has always included some additional feature to this process, just prior to a prayer or wish, is the recognition of some gift the other has....something admirable.  In teaching my children how to participate each year, we remind them, "Say something you love about them, then what you wish for them, and then break a piece off and eat the small bit of wafer."

Each child, so unique had something so special to say to both me and my HH, it nearly brought me to tears.  As the groups of families mingle to find others to share Oplatki with, the tradition remains, however something unique and interesting tends to happen when it's between adult men and women.

There can be a great healing that can happen, as through out a whole year's worth of interactions, who knows whose feelings got hurt, or some small disagreement went un-dealth with.  I say 'can be' as it is possible to go through the motions of this Christmas tradition with the standard blurb of "Yes, I wish you health and happiness, yadda, yadda". 

Anyone can go through the motions, but the loss is theirs.  I've been doing this tradition, at the start so foreign to me, yet now, 15 years later, recognizing a great gift a tender moment with another individual can really be. 

It can heal.

Not many things in our day can heal a wounded heart.  And these moments between two people who may not even be close friends, though called family, can begin something special, unique and healing for past pain.

Imagine having to tell someone that you struggle to admire, what characteristic of theirs you love....and then state the wish or prayer you have for them in the New Year.  It helps to love an individual, that might be hard to love....All you need is one little thing that you can point to, to say, "Yep, that's something I love about them, I can admire, I can learn from."  And what happens? 

Their heart can be healed in some way, and then mine can be too.  I can then speak a little kinder, a little softer, a little more compassionate and loving, as I just spoke words of love to them.  It's a beautiful tradition, but it wasn't and isn't still, always met with such eager anticipation.

Early in our marriage, having normal difficulties combining two families, made this tradition very stressful, very difficult and tied my stomach into new kinds of pretzel knots.  It always brought me to tears, always had me hearing things that I felt were exaggerated, or it always had me saying nice things to individuals, who were driving me crazy the other 364 days of the year.  It was tough. 

Over the years, out of love for my husband, I have participated and given this tradition of Oplatki chance after chance, to impress me, to show me why it was necessary to say this or that, or make this wish or prayer for another.  Why?  I wanted to know.

This year in particular, I think I just might have found the why of such a long-standing family tradition. 

It heals.  Not in dramatic ways, but in subtle ones.  And healing of past unintentional hurts is something that usually goes unaddressed.  We expect to just 'get over it', or 'let it go', or 'forgive without needing apology' and all that jazz.

This Oplatki allows a moment of forgiveness, even without the 'I'm sorry', as it's implied in the process.  Looking a little deeper into this Christmas tradition, leaves me with a sincere desire to bring more ways of forgiveness into our home, whether subtle or not, it's necessary to have a loving home.

Forgiveness is necessary for Love.

pic credit:  oplatki.com

My little Babe so darling, puts this all into perspective, as he said to me, "Momma, I like you because you hold my hand, and keep me from hurts from cars."

What does that simple statement do for me?  All the times I had to run ahead, grab his hand and negotiate the reasons for him to stay by my side in parking lots....well, it was all worth it, for this little man to recognize that I did that for him and his safety.  And you know what, his statement will motivate me for years to keep up my quicker walking pace to keep up with him and yet again, grab his hand, negotiate the reasons for my demand, and even discipline when necessary to ensure his safety. 

That's the power of Oplatki.

And that's what I learned this year participating once again, as I tore small wafer pieces off another's, we can let go, we can be motivated, once we face a true reality. 

And so while I can't necessarily expect each reader here to pick up this new tradition of Oplatki, what I do challenge you with, is the nuts and bolts of it into the New Year.  Instead of a New Year's resolution, which is all too many times, self serving, consider this:  Tell people around you what you admire in them, and be sincere in what you choose.  And tell people too, what you wish for them, or what you pray for them, and then actually remember to pray for those people.

It can change your life and those around you, perhaps not in dramatic ways, but in subtle ones, and slowly, if you live your life appreciating all those around you, things do change, because YOU have changed. 

And really, that's the only person you have control over, anyway.

May God bless you in this New Year with a great sense of gratitude for His many gifts.

Small Successes Friday

Yes, it's almost Christmas....two days away, and so much has been done in preparation, but I still need Small Successes as they remind me the why and how.  With each small victory, it all adds up, one at a time, small chunks into one huge WIN!

1.)  Made Christmas candies and goodies.

2.)  Taught budgeting lesson to four oldest children and helped them wrap.

3.)  Did laundry.

In Progress:

4.)  Christmas outfit discernment.

Have some to share.  Go here!  And Merry Christmas to you!

Best Line of the Week - Christmas Edition

After teaching a budgeting lesson to my oldest four children.....

Mom:  So, after you all spent your piggy bank money to buy some gifts, what have you learned about Christmas shopping?

Knight: IT'S EXPENSIVE!

Mom:  Yes, good point.  Anyone else?

Thinker:  You have to be smart in what you are buying.

Entertainer:  That it's hard to spend the money!

Mom:  Yes, that's right too.  Anyone else?

Serious:  That I love my family more than I love money.

A Soft Place to Land

A recent conversation with a fellow school Mom had me thinking....

She said, while she may be stressed out, overwhelmed at the Christmas season and all that she must do to be prepared, she insisted that her goal is and has always been, to be a "soft place to land".

I nodded in agreement as I understand how this month can get a tad crazy, and it IS overwhelming to ensure all in the home, not only understand the miracle of Christmas, but to bring to life all the nuances that create those special Christmas memories.

She said, even in the craziness, she knows what her family still needs, and it's a place to come home to that is love, that is acceptance, that is comfort.  Her "soft place to land" was her home, was her own softer demeanor, her own love and willing arms to comfort.

I sat and thought about that for a while. 

Am I a "soft place to land" for my family to come home to?  Am I accepting of who they are, willing to embrace even the weaknesses that can drive me crazy?  Am I loving and sincere and a cushion when the world can break their heart? 

How I prepare my home for Christmas is simply the external witness of how I prepare my heart for this season.  Am I ready to be a "soft place" for even the Baby Jesus to rest? 

On this day, we celebrate my Serious' birthday, 8 years old.  And as 8 years old marks the age of First Communions and celebrating the gift that is the Eucharist, I sit, today, with a few minutes I have for reflection and realize, a culmination of pieces to a puzzle. 

This Christmas season we celebrate the gift of life, human and divine.  We celebrate, too the possibility of our eternal life, now that Jesus has been born.  We, also, celebrate Serious' life, her birthday, and in a special way, I can see such wisdom in the timing of things.

She is preparing her heart too, for Jesus in the Eucharist, a "soft place for Him", as she continues to go regularly to confession and early morning Mass with her brother.  She amazes me, as she takes her first bold steps in taking charge over her own soul, not even with a shred of trepidation.  She is confident and sure, and I absolutely love that gift she owns.

She's a thoughtful girl, deep in her actions, and always ready to set herself aside.  And today, we celebrate her, the gift that she has been to our lives.....  As I make more efforts to be a softer place for those around me, I learn from my daughter, as she has prepared a delicate manger, each piece of her heart layed out for the Baby King to rest His head upon.

Lord, I pray this day, this year, that you bless our little girl with countless gifts of grace, that she may always know the One who will never set her aside, who will never leave her, never abandon her, and will join her in a few short weeks, in living a human existence.  Take this child, Lord, for I know you have great plans for her.  I, as her mother, shred my heart for her, so that she too, has a soft place to land.

A Birthday Trifecta

Oh, how my mind imagines such a joyful Advent, such a time of waiting, anticipating and hearing the carols to bring my mind into the Christmas Season.  I can picture leisurely afternoons of decorating Christmas cookies and enjoying every minute of the painstakingly long process of decorating the house, each tinsel thread so delicately hung with care.  I imagine the excitement building as my husband and I sit by the fire, telling stories to our children of the coming Baby Jesus. 

I see it all, so perfectly calculated in my mind's eye, and yet, I am always surprised when it doesn't happen just so.  The past three weeks of Advent, have been rushed, crossing things off a to-do list, and one by one, realizing there just isn't enough hours in the day to accomplish it all.

It is a busy month, there is no doubt.  The long lines in the stores prove the point, that we all scurry here and there to accomplish all our set out goals for Christmas.  This month for us, we celebrate two of our little girls' birthdays as well, and already we find weeks passing in Advent without our nativity set up yet, without a Christmas tree, without ornaments to gaze at or Holy Family statuettes to be inspired by.

Certainly, it shouldn't take these things to set the mood of the season.  Advent is waiting, I get that, however, in all the bustle, I started to lose the point of it all.  I started to be one of the people who run from here to there, without really living the reason for all the work I was doing.  It was work to do work, not thinking of the why. 

And then it hit me....I NEED those nativity sets out with the baby Jesus missing to contemplate the scene, think about the reality of what we are all waiting for.  I NEED the tree up, decorated with our families ornaments, the ones that say "First Baby's Christmas" or some home made treasure that my 1st grader made last year.  I NEED to smell the pine, see the lights and pass by a few empty mangers to get it all into perspective. 

Now, we normally wait until after Serious' birthday before putting up the tree, working to be considerate of both girls' birthdays and not allow them to be overshadowed.  Recently I had a great chat with a fellow Mom at school, who commented that Christmas must seem so short for us, as we wait so long.  I agreed with her, it is short, the tree is up and then down in the span of only two weeks most years, in that effort to balance birthdays with Christmas.  She then talked about her own birthday being close to Christmas, and never found herself resentful of the holiday.  She said, it was always special, that she had her own special day, but with a bonus, all the additional decorations and goodies always made her feel especially blessed to have her birthday in the month of December. 

Wow.  I never looked at it that way.  I've seen first hand in my own family how a December birthday, close to Christmas, can be overshadowed, can be sacrificed on some level in order to embrace the Christmas season.  But I had never seen it as this fellow Mom had put it to me.  If a parent makes a point to make that birthday girl feel special, then all the rest is extra, not competition. 

And that made sense.  This Advent being a bit crazy, trying to fit it all in, and taking into account this fellow Mom's perspective, I started to talk with HH about a possible new strategy in dealing with December birthdays and Christmas. 

I started to notice my own other children's disappointment that no decorations had been put up yet, how even my Serious asked to get our tree up and decorated, how Entertainer loved the planning involved in Christmas gift giving.  They have been raised in a home that would never let a birthday go by without special fan-fare, but also have been raised in a home where we look to the deeper meaning of Christmas often, contemplate the reason for all the hubba-baloo, and believe deeply in the gift that God gave to us, in His Son.

I, especially, noticed how I wasn't the only one who needed to see the tangible elements of Christmas, to feel and live the spirit of this time of year.  We decorate to remind us of the 'whys' we do all that we do.  We put out nativities to have physical reminders of why we are generous, why we give a bit more, try a little more, or love a little deeper.  It's not always easy to give when we don't feel like it.  But at Christmas we remember our little gifts for others, are for a greater purpose, a larger mission. 

I am seriously considering leaving our nativities all year round.  We should always have reminders around us to silently speak to us, to show us ultimately why we do what we do, to soften our hearts to keep us alert and ready at all times.

Some of us are more visual in our needs, and shifting our focus from the to-dos  to the blessings of such a season has not only changed a few hearts in this house, it has made us happier, more compassionate, and light hearted.  This weekend, we spent time and prepared our home and hearts for the coming of God's gift to us.  We looked over and gazed into the ornaments of the past, wondered at the empty mangers and talked over how even Santa goes to pray before the newborn King before handing out his gifts.

So, did we sit by the fire, drink the hot cocoa, watch the snow fall, while discussing the theology of such a season?  No, we didn't, and maybe we won't get there.  I don't know.  What I do know, is that we took time together as a family.  I talked with Babe before bedtime to ask him where the Baby Jesus was.  His answer, so sweet, "I don't know, Momma". 

"He's coming, soon.  Soon it will be His birthday, He was a little boy just like you.  Do you know that?"

Babe answers, "Momma, I'm big boy.  I not a baby!"

My first reflection this Advent, comes via this little three year old little boy, who reminded me what little boys are like....and how Our Lady must have found little ways to teach about God. Mary must have found a kind of balance in her own family life, to not only celebrate but to teach and contemplate herself, the deeper meanings behind it all.  She must have, in order to not only live it, but infuse her family with it. 

So, some times, it does begin with us, as the Mothers of our homes.  If we are scattered, then so is everyone else.  If we are focused, and centered, then it transmits to those around us.  It's a gift and a responsibility to set the tone of our homes.  Let it begin this Advent.  Let it begin with us. 

As we sing our "Happy Birthday" to our little girls in only a few short days, it brings to all our minds, just how grateful we are to have the gift of life.  It's a gift, that God had a hand in, so intimately, so delicately, and how even He lived the human experience, born of a woman, so helpless and defenseless.  And ultimately His mission is ours too, to obey and live the Will of the Father. 

May this Advent be a time of waiting, and living the celebration of life, grateful for breath in our lungs, food on our table, and a Savior willing to be born, to suffer, to die, in order that we might have true and eternal life.

Small Successes Thursday

So, I typed up three different blog posts and haven't been back to insert a pic or hit that darn 'publish' button.  I think I'll stick to Small Successes, today:  it's short and sweet and perfect for the craziness that December always brings.  Count them up folks, our small wins do add up.

1.)  Found "Guest At The Inn" costume for Thinker and three "Shepherd" costumes for my kiddos Christmas production.  Filtering through Halloween goul to find a guest and shepherds was depressing to say the least....but done in time.  Woo - hoo!

2.)  After gaining a few for Thanksgiving treats, lost them again with a disciplined diet, no time for exercise as of late.  All set for Christmas candies and cookies!

3.) Suffered through a series of migraines, couldn't sleep, eat or think.  So what's the success?  I figured out the problem and am working to fix it.  A debilitated Mom  =  A debilitated Family.

In Progress:
4.)  Finding quiet time to prepare myself for the Coming Christ.   

Do you have some to share?  Small Successes are now hosted over at Chocolate for Your Brain!  Tell me you don't just love that title!  Now, go pat yourself on the back.

First Sacrament Emboldens

My Little Serious just had her First Reconciliation Tuesday night, and while we've been through this before with two older children, something new hit me this time as we waited for her turn to reconcile herself and her soul with God.

This Sacrament, so beautifully timed in a child's life, is probably going to be the first they remember, as Baptism usually happens while they are still babies.  Reconciliation, timed in the 2nd grade, not only has the spiritual dimension of the cleansing of the soul, which I in no means am minimizing...it also brings the children closer into the Church, closer into the community of Faith as well as face to face with the reality of their mistakes.  It affects the whole Church, and while they might not see it, this Sacrament starts the steps of children taking the charge over their own soul. 

Parents will guard the innocence and dignity of this little person for so long, for my Serious almost 8 years now, and while I fully understand my job is not complete, I can see how this First Confession begins in a real way, in the psyche of this child, a new responsibility, a new maturity and an awareness of consequence.  It's as if this Sacrament emboldened her.

This morning, and every Thursday morning, my Knight rises early, and gets to school to serve morning Mass, before school begins.  This morning was the first time, my Serious got up early, ate quickly, brushed her hair all on her own in order to go to Mass with Knight.  Her choice.

Remembering how past Thursdays went, and her disinterest in morning Mass, I asked my Serious, "Did you get going early to go to Mass this morning?"

She simply nodded and said, "Yep, I want to go."

You can't tell me that is co-incidence.  You can't tell me that God isn't working in her, and through her, with the grace she obtained on Tuesday night, confessing her sins, doing her penance and through the many prayers offered on her behalf.  She is responding to God's grace, and as a parent, as a Mom, it brings to life all that we teach and push for every day. 

We encourage the kids to pray, or to sing in Mass, or to be reverent or any of these things, and sometimes, yes, it feels like we are going through the motions, without really seeing, tangibly, the results.  Well, today, I see this little reward as a gift.  As thankless as this job of Mother is sometimes, when I see God's grace moving and working in my very own child, it is that motivating factor that keeps me getting up in the morning.  I can see my little Serious open and growing and maturing in small ways, and it keeps me tending to that soil, to keep it ready and fertile for God to work.

Isn't that the greatest joy of Motherhood?  Tell me if I'm wrong.  I see so many times Moms get frustrated at not seeing the results of hard work, of education, formation or the endless hours we put in.  And it's true, we may not for a long time....but what we are doing, is readying that little soul, preparing him/her to receive God in yes, Sacraments, but also each and every day that they must discern and make good choices.  Sometimes, if you look hard enough, you will see these little rewards of a child taking up a cross, making the difficult choice in the right direction, or simply giving of themselves in ways you didn't expect...and let me tell you, this is the fruit of the work Moms are doing.  Moms can bring children step by step into the fullness of participation with God.

And it's one of those 'three steps forward, two steps back' type of progress sometimes.  Kids are willful, strong, disobedient and sometimes, tough to handle.  However, it is our perseverance that can pay off dividends in the end, if we keep fighting that good fight, even without reward, even with resistance, we know, deep down we are doing the great work that God wants for us to do.  He needs us to do it.  For our children, for their souls, and you know what, for ours too.  This work sanctifies us in ways we don't expect, however, beautiful or ugly we get there, IF we get there, that's the most important.

And as a Mom, if I can set that first example for them, for my little cherubs, all five, to see it is possible, it is real, it is God's plan, then they too, will know it is possible, it is real, and it is God's plan for them too.  And they need that confidence, they need that grace from God to propel them. 

Let us Mothers tend the soil.  Again.  And again.  And again.  God will bless you for it, as His work in them will yield the greatest of fruit with readied hearts and souls and minds.