So many times, I am reminded that a big piece of this life is about trust.
But our human nature, our fallen, human nature tends to question, doubt and take charge...with ourselves, with others, and with God. Interestingly, my last post was, in a nut shell, waiting to hear God's plan with these many hours of the day. I didn't want to rush into something or commit to anything until I knew, how it would impact the family. This is a hyper sensitive issue when considering the 3-7pm hours are filled to the max with 5 kids homework, projects, demands, needs, husband's work download, negotiating disputes, sporting events, as well as guiding the teenage awkward years.
The hours in the day while kids are in school is complete silence. In the beginning, the lack of sound in this house was deafening. It was clear something wasn't right. It took a good two weeks to adjust to silence. And now, I actually enjoy it. But these hours of silence are a drastic 180 degree shift into opposite land upon arrival home of the crew.
And a few days back I took some time to really pray and reflect on this stark contrast....the empty home, and then when the bell tolls: the transformation of our home into loud noise and quickened pace. Not only this, but what my role, as God would have it, should be.
As women, we are meant to bend to the needs of others. I do believe we find our fulfillment in the service of those around us. We find our true happiness there. In these many hours of the day, how do I not only serve others, (with no one home) but prepare myself for the coming chaos that is afterschool!
Again, this post points to TRUST. That all too familiar resolution that I find again and again searching to convince myself of and retain. Trusting in God's plan seems to me like a last resort. Like, hey I've done all I can, now, I will trust. As if there was any other option.
This new chapter, I find myself in, really has me learning the lesson of trust in a new way. I actually made the decision first, to let God work and show me. It's tough for an independent gal like myself to wait. I like to be proactive, make things happen, see it through, and this often leads me into the trap of leaving God out, trusting when I run out of ideas, when there is no other choice. When I am out of options, that's when I let God work.
But I do believe something new occurred this time around. I simply waited. And asked God to show me. Patience isn't my best quality. It's tough to wait. And when I finally submitted to the quiet of my home, to making my own daily schedule, finding my own interests again, reading books, going for walks, riding my bike, making special meals...that's when God decided to show me the way. And it's a fantastic way! So glad I waited.
God has pointed a direction for me, and I can see He took into account gifts He had given me that I haven't truly seen clearly in myself nor developed over these past 13 years. He knows me so well, so personally, that His direction not only develops these gifts, it matures me, it strengthens me, it also has me at the service of others. It forces conversation with Him, it inspires not only me but others, it's looking beyond myself into a bigger, wider picture of my place in this world. What a perfect design! I wouldn't have picked this path for myself, I didn't see this coming. Do I ever.
Each day is like a new adventure. And I love that. Time that passes and what I do with it, is my choice and my gift to give, along with any other talent God decided to give me.
In my reflection, I take note the many Moms who work outside the home every day. I can't imagine how you do it, but I am sure, just like every Mom, there is an equal amount of rewards and sacrifices that come with the decisions we make....working or staying at home. I know the sacrifices made of staying at home with the kids, I have lived that life. I saw many of the rewards as well, grateful for those moments I will treasure, like a first word, learning to walk, telling their first joke and so on. A reward I didn't anticipate, is the one I am receiving right now, with these many hours of the day to myself. God is allowing and directing me to focus on things I never could before, things I enjoy, creative outlets and expanding my world.
What, exactly, am I doing with my time? Well, it's a post for another day or well, maybe never. It's not important and new projects are just that, new projects. Time will pass, projects and endeavors will come and go, but now, I look for what lasts....It's the 'why' not the 'what'. It's all for God and I give Him the glory for each and gift he has had in store.
But our human nature, our fallen, human nature tends to question, doubt and take charge...with ourselves, with others, and with God. Interestingly, my last post was, in a nut shell, waiting to hear God's plan with these many hours of the day. I didn't want to rush into something or commit to anything until I knew, how it would impact the family. This is a hyper sensitive issue when considering the 3-7pm hours are filled to the max with 5 kids homework, projects, demands, needs, husband's work download, negotiating disputes, sporting events, as well as guiding the teenage awkward years.
The hours in the day while kids are in school is complete silence. In the beginning, the lack of sound in this house was deafening. It was clear something wasn't right. It took a good two weeks to adjust to silence. And now, I actually enjoy it. But these hours of silence are a drastic 180 degree shift into opposite land upon arrival home of the crew.
And a few days back I took some time to really pray and reflect on this stark contrast....the empty home, and then when the bell tolls: the transformation of our home into loud noise and quickened pace. Not only this, but what my role, as God would have it, should be.
As women, we are meant to bend to the needs of others. I do believe we find our fulfillment in the service of those around us. We find our true happiness there. In these many hours of the day, how do I not only serve others, (with no one home) but prepare myself for the coming chaos that is afterschool!
Again, this post points to TRUST. That all too familiar resolution that I find again and again searching to convince myself of and retain. Trusting in God's plan seems to me like a last resort. Like, hey I've done all I can, now, I will trust. As if there was any other option.
This new chapter, I find myself in, really has me learning the lesson of trust in a new way. I actually made the decision first, to let God work and show me. It's tough for an independent gal like myself to wait. I like to be proactive, make things happen, see it through, and this often leads me into the trap of leaving God out, trusting when I run out of ideas, when there is no other choice. When I am out of options, that's when I let God work.
But I do believe something new occurred this time around. I simply waited. And asked God to show me. Patience isn't my best quality. It's tough to wait. And when I finally submitted to the quiet of my home, to making my own daily schedule, finding my own interests again, reading books, going for walks, riding my bike, making special meals...that's when God decided to show me the way. And it's a fantastic way! So glad I waited.
God has pointed a direction for me, and I can see He took into account gifts He had given me that I haven't truly seen clearly in myself nor developed over these past 13 years. He knows me so well, so personally, that His direction not only develops these gifts, it matures me, it strengthens me, it also has me at the service of others. It forces conversation with Him, it inspires not only me but others, it's looking beyond myself into a bigger, wider picture of my place in this world. What a perfect design! I wouldn't have picked this path for myself, I didn't see this coming. Do I ever.
Each day is like a new adventure. And I love that. Time that passes and what I do with it, is my choice and my gift to give, along with any other talent God decided to give me.
In my reflection, I take note the many Moms who work outside the home every day. I can't imagine how you do it, but I am sure, just like every Mom, there is an equal amount of rewards and sacrifices that come with the decisions we make....working or staying at home. I know the sacrifices made of staying at home with the kids, I have lived that life. I saw many of the rewards as well, grateful for those moments I will treasure, like a first word, learning to walk, telling their first joke and so on. A reward I didn't anticipate, is the one I am receiving right now, with these many hours of the day to myself. God is allowing and directing me to focus on things I never could before, things I enjoy, creative outlets and expanding my world.
What, exactly, am I doing with my time? Well, it's a post for another day or well, maybe never. It's not important and new projects are just that, new projects. Time will pass, projects and endeavors will come and go, but now, I look for what lasts....It's the 'why' not the 'what'. It's all for God and I give Him the glory for each and gift he has had in store.
Comments