We've bought our garden supplies, plants and seeds, but they are still sitting on my deck.
We've made great strides in the basement remodel, yet can't seem to finish the painting job. (It doesn't help the color you see above really didn't work down there, and we are currently starting over with a lighter shade).
End of the year school functions have increased, planning for next year, and all the last minute things are getting coordinated. Those school committees that I'm on are moving forward with the usual demands.
Oh, there is probably more on my 'to do' list, however, I refuse to look at it. It's calling me, and I am ignoring it. Even blogging has taken a back seat. It's necessary right now.
I always wanted to be that kind of Mom that would be able to take a step back just at that right moment, and be able lighten up the tension that may be in the house, and allow for everyone to take a quick breather. I wanted to be the kind of person who would not only be able to tell when was a good time, but to be able to implement this stress reliever...... to actually allow it.
Here I am. I see we need it. I see we need a little fun. I am having a bit of trouble allowing it. There's just no time.
Enter a dear, dear friend and mentor for the past 8 or 9 years.
She's isn't afraid to tell me the truth, no matter how hard to tell me, or how hard to hear it. She's always transparent, logical, yet understanding and compassionate. I admit, at times, I've come home after talking with her, with tears sliding down my face, as her truth for me was so hard hitting, that I didn't want to face it. I didn't want to admit she was right.....that she only held up a mirror to my face, and challenged me to take a good hard look.
I've come to respect her, admire her, and value her advice more than I can say. Not sure what I bring to the relationship for her, I simply absorb like a sponge all her wit and wisdom. With her only having one married-off son, perhaps I fill a role of 'daughter' for her, I honestly don't know. I clearly gain more than I give. She makes me a better person, with her honesty. She makes me a better Mom with her challenges. Today, I saw her. I told her our life is consumed with a busy-ness that I am starting to detest and avoid. She gave me some of the best advice yet.
She told me that it's ok to take a break. That sometimes it's necessary. It's necessary in the sense that at times, we need to step back and realize why we do what we do. It's important to take a moment and evaluate our commitments. What is standing in the way of being the family you are called to. Where have we over-extended ourselves...where do we need to ask the help of others to plow through. It's okay to step back. Take a few days.
Then she brought up the former Governor of California, asked me if I had heard the news, to which I responded, that unfortunately I had. Sad situation all around. She painted a picture of that house, the moral dilemmas, the plausible absence of authentic relationships that had to be there.....and how does it that happen. It's a down-ward spiral of morality....of priorities....of splintering relationships.
She mentioned how even one of the sons has already changed his last name to reflect his mother's maiden name rather than his own father's famous movie star name. That I hadn't heard. She then described to me how parents don't live in their own specific bubble, living out their own lives, without impact on their children. The parent's choices impact not only their own personal lives, but the lives of the ones they love the most.
Wow. That hit me. Living in my own little bubble of getting the job done, moving on, checking that off, volunteering for this or that....well, it all makes an impact. It all can be to progress the family forward, stagnate us, or back track.
Then she began to talk about service to others, and how it builds relationship. This California scandal brought to mind how money doesn't solve problems. Money allows for a staff to manage the house, the food the children. The parents, perhaps didn't need each other. She didn't need to make dinner for him or do the laundry. He didn't need to come home to repair that leaking faucet. For once in a very long time, it made sense to be 'forced' to tend to the various needs of the family. It keeps us building relationships. It keeps us united.
HH sees me working to create a meal. I see him slaving away to build the children a basement playroom. The children see both parents moving and working in order to propel the family forward, to fill the needs of all those under our care. In these acts of service to each other, we find love, appreciation, gratitude and self-lessness. Pretty tough to walk away and live a double life of immorality. There must be splinters before leaving. When we are at the service of others, it sharpens us, brings us together, united under one roof. When we are living loving service, we find our purpose.
And so.....in order to keep my family united, supported and encouraged,....I've been put to task. What in the world will bring us all together in a small, fun but powerful way. What will propel us to finish what we have started, as a family, united in service to each other.
Ideas? I'd love to know!
Comments
One of the things that continues to "bring it all home" in our house - is simply the family meal. All gathered at one table, to eat. We give each person a chance to talk about their day (even the 4 year old - who often has much more to say about her day than the rest of us.) But I think just dedicating that time to our family, our unit, it crucial in continuing the unity of our home. Even when their are activities to attend, meetings to participate in, and friends to play with - I insist we take that time to talk to each other. To share. To laugh. To grow. And I hope that will never change.
I wish you luck as the warmer months soom arrive and that even though the days are longer, we try to fit even MORE into them. I'll be thinking of you! (Perhaps this summer we'll finally schedule a get together at Cold Stone!!!!!)