I had something happen the exact day my Thinker had something happen at school. It was almost like daughter imitating mother for a while there, and the whole thing gave me pause, as if God, in His wisdom, had orchestrated the whole thing in order to teach me such a valuable lesson. That yes, indeed, my children do watch me, they do learn from me and I have a responsibility to stay consistent with what I teach them. Do as I preach. Yikes. These kids test me.
Emailing is quite a modern advancement that at times, I admit I lean on too often. It keeps me from engaging in long conversations, that I have no time for anyway. It keeps me focused, on target and getting my to dos done. I've seen recently that I need to take more time for calls, that's tough, however, I do see how relationships advance quicker and smoother when there is a voice on the other line or a face to see.
In a moment of frustration I sent a cranky email. I even at the end, said so! And then justified my crankiness, by giving some lame excuse of this or that, when clearly I could have just hit the delete button and avoided the whole crank of my word choice. Immediately after hitting send, I took a moment to look myself in the mirror. Is this how I want to treat people? Do I want to hide behind the veil of typed up pixels on a screen instead of confronting the issue head on?
No. I didn't like what I saw there.
Time to man up...or woman up I guess. I walked back to my computer screen and did what every person hates to do, pick up the phone and try to soften the harshness of my last digital correspondence.
Ugh.
So I contacted the individual and quickly apologized for what she would be reading in a few short minutes. I promised next time to simply call first and work it out, rather than send something that could hurt feelings. She was surprisingly understanding and also working on her end with the exact frustrations I was having.
Then I went to school and picked up my kiddos. My Thinker got into the car, upset, frustrated with some misunderstanding between her best girlfriends and feelings got hurt. My Thinker was sure her friends would call and apologize that day for their behavior, yet hours passed, and no phone call. I prepared her though, as I wanted to use this prime opportunity to teach a very valuable lesson.
"Honey, prepare yourself. Yes, they should apologize, but it's hard to do, so if they do call, be ready to forgive. It's not easy to be quick with forgiveness, but we are called to always be ready to forgive, and not hold grudges. It's what God does for us. He's always ready, and we should be too."
Through her tears, I hoped and prayed her friends would, indeed call, and mend this wounded heart.
Alas, bedtime was nearing and no phone calls. Of her own initiative, she came to me and asked to call each of her own girlfriends in order to clear it all up, and start fresh for a new day the very next day. I mentioned it again, "Be ready to mend fences, own up to what you might have done wrong and say your apology, and if they say they are sorry too, be ready, quick with your forgiveness, and then let this go."
She made her calls, just like the brave girl I hoped to see in her. They all apologized and my Thinker resumed her friendships the very next day. I was proud of her, she was determined to resolve the conflict quickly and clear the situation up before anymore time went by and complicated the matter.
Happily, that night she skipped off to bed, I like to think, happy that she confronted the situation and had a great outcome. I saw a new maturity in her, an ability to lead her girlfriends in new relationship building ways.
How daughters will imitate mothers. Now my children weren't even home to witness my call to action, however, perhaps the method that we live our lives is somehow being absorbed into my children. She was bold when it was needed, and empathetic when necessary.
I can't explain how we have taught that over the years. I can't say. All I know for sure is that we do often look to the example the Jesus has set for us, and used those exact bible stories in these situations to either own up to our own faults, or be ready to forgive the faults of others.
She's also her own person with strengths and weaknesses, and this could very well be her strength, getting to the bottom of a situation, wanting to clear up confusion and make amends quickly and easily. It could just be who God made her to be.
But this is the beauty of being a Mom witnessing my own children's gifts. They inspire me to be better, confront difficulties head on, be unafraid and ready to forgive. How can I teach it and not yet do it myself?
Kids have a way to keep us authentic, true to ourselves and what we claim to be. They have this ability, their innocent way of asking us questions, challenging our own behaviors, or setting an example for us, that forces us to look into the mirror, and gauge ourselves. Do I measure up? Have I let myself down with my own lack of virtue?
This is an incident that I want to keep as another little treasure of gold in my back pocket. I want to remember this day as a priceless gem that I can pull out at any given moment of her weaknesses or mine in order to right the ship, in order to prove her bravery, in order to demonstrate her leadership qualities. We all need reminders sometimes of the good we have done, so we know we are capable, we know we have that power in our hands, of doing good, or not.
Digital communications are just that, digital. They lack the empathy and compassion necessary for true relationship building. You can't hear their voice, you can't see their face. No, I am not ready to swear off digital methods of communicating, however, when fences need to be mended, or confusion resolved, there's nothing like the human element of the sound of a person's voice or the look in their eyes. We are human. Digital screens don't change that. While helpful and moving us to be more efficacious in our work, we must never forget the other person on the other end, needing to hear us, see us, and ultimately bridging the gap in this high tech world.
Emailing is quite a modern advancement that at times, I admit I lean on too often. It keeps me from engaging in long conversations, that I have no time for anyway. It keeps me focused, on target and getting my to dos done. I've seen recently that I need to take more time for calls, that's tough, however, I do see how relationships advance quicker and smoother when there is a voice on the other line or a face to see.
In a moment of frustration I sent a cranky email. I even at the end, said so! And then justified my crankiness, by giving some lame excuse of this or that, when clearly I could have just hit the delete button and avoided the whole crank of my word choice. Immediately after hitting send, I took a moment to look myself in the mirror. Is this how I want to treat people? Do I want to hide behind the veil of typed up pixels on a screen instead of confronting the issue head on?
No. I didn't like what I saw there.
Time to man up...or woman up I guess. I walked back to my computer screen and did what every person hates to do, pick up the phone and try to soften the harshness of my last digital correspondence.
Ugh.
So I contacted the individual and quickly apologized for what she would be reading in a few short minutes. I promised next time to simply call first and work it out, rather than send something that could hurt feelings. She was surprisingly understanding and also working on her end with the exact frustrations I was having.
Then I went to school and picked up my kiddos. My Thinker got into the car, upset, frustrated with some misunderstanding between her best girlfriends and feelings got hurt. My Thinker was sure her friends would call and apologize that day for their behavior, yet hours passed, and no phone call. I prepared her though, as I wanted to use this prime opportunity to teach a very valuable lesson.
"Honey, prepare yourself. Yes, they should apologize, but it's hard to do, so if they do call, be ready to forgive. It's not easy to be quick with forgiveness, but we are called to always be ready to forgive, and not hold grudges. It's what God does for us. He's always ready, and we should be too."
Through her tears, I hoped and prayed her friends would, indeed call, and mend this wounded heart.
Alas, bedtime was nearing and no phone calls. Of her own initiative, she came to me and asked to call each of her own girlfriends in order to clear it all up, and start fresh for a new day the very next day. I mentioned it again, "Be ready to mend fences, own up to what you might have done wrong and say your apology, and if they say they are sorry too, be ready, quick with your forgiveness, and then let this go."
She made her calls, just like the brave girl I hoped to see in her. They all apologized and my Thinker resumed her friendships the very next day. I was proud of her, she was determined to resolve the conflict quickly and clear the situation up before anymore time went by and complicated the matter.
Happily, that night she skipped off to bed, I like to think, happy that she confronted the situation and had a great outcome. I saw a new maturity in her, an ability to lead her girlfriends in new relationship building ways.
How daughters will imitate mothers. Now my children weren't even home to witness my call to action, however, perhaps the method that we live our lives is somehow being absorbed into my children. She was bold when it was needed, and empathetic when necessary.
I can't explain how we have taught that over the years. I can't say. All I know for sure is that we do often look to the example the Jesus has set for us, and used those exact bible stories in these situations to either own up to our own faults, or be ready to forgive the faults of others.
She's also her own person with strengths and weaknesses, and this could very well be her strength, getting to the bottom of a situation, wanting to clear up confusion and make amends quickly and easily. It could just be who God made her to be.
But this is the beauty of being a Mom witnessing my own children's gifts. They inspire me to be better, confront difficulties head on, be unafraid and ready to forgive. How can I teach it and not yet do it myself?
Kids have a way to keep us authentic, true to ourselves and what we claim to be. They have this ability, their innocent way of asking us questions, challenging our own behaviors, or setting an example for us, that forces us to look into the mirror, and gauge ourselves. Do I measure up? Have I let myself down with my own lack of virtue?
This is an incident that I want to keep as another little treasure of gold in my back pocket. I want to remember this day as a priceless gem that I can pull out at any given moment of her weaknesses or mine in order to right the ship, in order to prove her bravery, in order to demonstrate her leadership qualities. We all need reminders sometimes of the good we have done, so we know we are capable, we know we have that power in our hands, of doing good, or not.
Digital communications are just that, digital. They lack the empathy and compassion necessary for true relationship building. You can't hear their voice, you can't see their face. No, I am not ready to swear off digital methods of communicating, however, when fences need to be mended, or confusion resolved, there's nothing like the human element of the sound of a person's voice or the look in their eyes. We are human. Digital screens don't change that. While helpful and moving us to be more efficacious in our work, we must never forget the other person on the other end, needing to hear us, see us, and ultimately bridging the gap in this high tech world.
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