We discussed the idea of having versus needing, and that as a society we love to have. And in a sense, we might be losing what it really means to need. She, being the age she is, comes from a different time, when it was expected that a mother stays at home with her children, when working outside the home was reserved for the husband. Times have changed, no one can deny that. And in all honesty, I recognize how some mothers have no choice in the matter. To those women, my heart goes out to you. I can't imagine being able to give enough to a full time job, while at the same time wondering how is my baby. Is she crawling yet? Did she say her first word, or take a first step today? I think I'd be a poor employee, constantly fighting the urge to walk out.
My Grandmother took the opportunity to tell me something that her husband, my Grandfather, now deceased, always used to tell her, in a way to comfort her. He said, "It's better to have half a loaf of bread, and the mother at home, versus that whole loaf." Isn't that the truth. What is the need? And what is the want?
At times, we as a society choose the 'want' over the 'need' at the expense of others....even at the expense of our little children, babies as young as 6 weeks old. Can we live on a half loaf? Or do we love excess to the point of leaving our kids for so many hours in the care of strangers?
Again, I don't make these statements in order to hurt those mothers who have no other choice, and must work outside the home to support their family. I recognize clearly that there is a percentage of mothers who can't stay at home, even if they wanted to. I am particularly wondering about the wives and mothers who could, but choose not to.
I am sure 9 out 10 would say they absolutely have the need to go and work, when they probably don't. What does 'need' mean?
My Grandmother went for icecream with one of my Aunts a while ago, and as she told me this story, I gained a new understanding of who she was and is as a mother. Back in her day, icecream was 10 cents. Yep, 10 cents. Upon beginning to eat her icecream she asked my Aunt, how much it cost. My Aunt responded, "Just enjoy it, Mom. Don't worry about it."
My Grandmother insisted that she knew how much this ice cream cost. My Aunt responded "5 dollars."
As my Grandmother tells it, she nearly fainted. She told me, "I felt like I was eating gold! 5 dollars! Do you know how many groceries I could have bought with that?"
I answered her that I hoped she did enjoy that icecream, and that she deserved a treat every now and again. But the idea of want versus need still plagued me. We CAN really live with much less than we have. How we throw a five dollar bill at icecream so easily, and then complain that I must work outside the home in order to pay the bills.
How often do we pay for something without thinking if I really need it or not. How often do I ask myself if my children really need it or not. How often have I defined the needs and not wants of my family?
Think of the needs of the family in terms of many areas....think of the material needs, the necessities of food and clothing, as well as the emotional needs, the spiritual needs, the intellectual needs of the family.
This year gardening, I have paid more attention to the grocery bills, as the garden produces more and more each day. Not only are my children eating healthier (which will reduce medical costs), but I need to shop less. I really only need meat, bread and milk and the rest is in our backyard garden. I also did an experiment where I avoided shopping for an extended two weeks. My pantry was bare, my fridge was empty, yet somehow, I managed to be creative, and save on the food budget. My food bills have been cut in half, literally, due to this experiment, as well as the garden producing. And I got a first hand view of 'want' versus 'need' in terms of food.
My Grandmother, God bless her heart. She patted me on the back and said that it may be hard in these days and times to realize what a true need is, and what is just simply a want. She encouraged me to take the time to see the difference between the two, and focus more on the needs of the children, the needs of my husband, the needs of my family. "The wants will come", she said, "we are human, we like luxury. If you focus and tend to the needs, emotional, spiritual and otherwise, then that half loaf is a victory in it of itself. You are more grateful and teaching children that gratitude will serve them their entire lives."
Thank you Grandma. The wisdom our elderly can impart, is a priceless jewel, a gem placed on our heart, with such delicacy, such love and tenderness, that our soul feels the weight. Our very nature is changed. Our very lives have been touched and impacted simply because we listened.
Ask yourself this, one day, will my children remember all the luxuries that extra money afforded? Or will they remember how present their parents were to them? Which is the need here? Which is the want? Considering the fact that a parent represents God in the domestic church of the home, our presence or lack there of will, most certainly, correspond to the relationship they have with their creator.
Teaching children about life, about God, about love, compassion, mercy, goodness and evil, all require that personal touch of availability. They have needs, real concrete and practical needs, yes. But they are temporal, consider the needs that will last, that will shape them as individuals, that will help them to contribute to our society as adults, that will have them loving and learning about God, so they can pass through this life and enter the next with full confidence that they have fullfilled God' plan for them on this earth.
That is what will last. That is the only true need we have as humans. We NEED God. We NEED eternal life with Him. Let that need be the absolute first on the list, above wants, above luxuries, above it all.
My Grandma said it best, "Give them the things that will last. Half a loaf can give you the time to do it."
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