It's probably why I like the Small Successes I try and do every Thursday or Friday. Those small victories are like fighting small, little battles each and every day...and indeed there's progress there. There's momentum, there's something deeper happening around us, and being women, we tend to see it, and it makes our day, each and every day, have purpose, have meaning. In essence gives us motivation to keep fighting those little battles. It gives us, as mothers, a role, a job, purpose, yes, something beyond just the dirty dishes, laundry and diapers.
Let me explain.
Small victories are like putting Babe down for a nap without crying or whining.
It's when I try a new recipe and the whole family gobbles it up, and even asks for seconds.
It's when I see one of my children conquer their 9 year nail biting habit, with the reward of fingernail polish.
It's when I finally, see my son who claims he doesn't like to read, find a series of books that I can't pull him from at dinner time.
It's when my daughter finally remembers to do her chores without being told.
It's when my kids remember to hang up their swim suits to dry.
It's when I find a few minutes every day to re-charge, step outside, do some weeding, take a picture, eat a strawberry straight from the garden.
It's when one of my kids come up to me to ask if there is anything they can do to help.
It's when I bring a dying house plant back to life with a little TLC.
The list can get longer, when you actually think about it. So many little things that are done around family life, that are like little victories for us. We see progress. We see we are needed, we are necessary, we move the family forward in small little ways, that help them mature, grow and learn. It's my favorite part of this job.
Sometimes, it's hard to feel needed or necessary in this job of staying at home for the kids. It's tough to see other women work, divide their time, some how manage to raise their children, while at the same time, contribute financially to the household. My children are getting older. We are out of diapers, cribs and high chairs. There is no baby on the way. (Though I will add, we are always open to whatever God might be asking of us).
It's tough to write that, and a relief at the same time. Is that strange? For so long, it was time to get ready for a baby, care for a baby or try for another baby. As I get older, and count more grey hairs, I see a bit of God's wisdom in the prime fertile years of a woman. We have a lot more energy in our twenties. We are more idealistic, more passionate and ready for a challenge.
Mid-thirties come around, and we slow. We take our time. What once took us a day to recover, now takes us three. We see the demands of older children and realize, time is short. It flies far too quickly. We take more minutes to smell our roses, our lilies or swing in the hammock. We take time to actually enjoy what we have worked for. We take the time, because we can, it's there, the children now allow for it.
While I miss those early years of coos and first smiles, splashing in the tub and middle of the night snuggles, I can truly appreciate the beauty that is NOW. There is a comfort level with life that, perhaps didn't exist back then. There is an understanding of life's complexity, diversity and reality that my twenties didn't have. I was young, full of spit and passion, probably exactly what I needed to be in order to survive the dynamics of many little ones at one time.
But now I can see where I am truly needed, even after all the kids are potty trained, after the night-time nursing is done, even when they can dress themselves, brush their own teeth, tie their own shoes and put themselves to bed.
So my little victories change over time. What once was a little victory for me, now is just a memory. My new victories are intangible. They are lessons learned. They are forming, molding and shaping. Yes, for the children, but for myself as well. I get to push myself a bit. I can create new challenges for myself: run three miles instead of one and a half, try a slew of new recipes, re-structure how often to grocery shop and what to buy, investigate area activities and enroll the troops, concentrate on yard landscaping, and so on. There's time to evaluate, time to pray, to be creative in the conquering. That time is so often missing when little ones demand so much.
It's a new stage. While I miss so many moments of having a baby to care for, to nurse, to comfort, I accept where God has me now. I see the wisdom of getting older and slowing. I see more moments of gratitude in our lives, of not taking for granted the gifts we have been given. I truly believe, it takes time to get here. I believe it can take years of maturing, hardship or crosses to get to the point of acceptance, of gratitude, of viewing life for as it really is, not just what I want it to be, or hope it to be one day. It takes time to see how chasing one thing after another, is just spending a life in pursuit, but never accepting the here and now.
Seeing reality for what it is, and not an idealistic vision, allows for that acceptance. And I believe to make any real change to move anything forward, acceptance must come first. I must be content with my life as it is, as reality has shown itself to me, as God has given it to me. How can I see it if I don't accept it? How can I evaluate without reality?
Is this a bunch of rambling? I started this post thinking I would concentrate on little victories, and ended it with growing older and accepting my own personal reality. I suppose, this mental meandering could be considered as a victory in it of itself. I want to be a kind of mother, that not only sees our current state, but can evaluate where we've been, where we are, and where we're going. I want to take it all in, step by step, this passage of time, this life, this vocation and allow it's seepage into the depths of my being. It's so that one day, when I am confronted with my King, I can in all honestly say, I've done my best, Lord. I've fought the good fight. I took the time to look back, look at reality and look forward. I kept up with my small victories, Lord. I may have fallen, countless times, but I got back up, learned something new and fought again.
Comments