Moms and Confidence

Thinker: Mom, are you always sure the decisions you make for the kids are the right ones?
Mom: Usually.
Thinker: So, sometimes you are unsure.
Mom sensing a trap: Well, sometimes, I ask God for the right answer, if I am not sure.
Thinker: Hum…Well, you never tell us when you are unsure.
Mom: Well, I don’t want you to worry. Dad and Mom will figure what’s best, with God’s help, and you shouldn't worry. We’ll take care of you.
Thinker: How do I know if I am making the right decisions?
Mom: Watch the results and try again.

Confidence: belief in own abilities
To accomplish many goals in life, confidence is almost a requirement. The belief in self, the ‘I can do it’ the recognition of courage to attempt something, is needed in most situations or we’d never succeed accomplishing anything. Not only for ourselves, but for others to invest in us, we must show confidence. Think our of country’s leaders. They must convince us they can do the job, or we don’t vote for them. They must at the very least, pretend to have confidence in order to even get the desired position.

Think, now as a parent. A parent lacking confidence, lacking the belief in oneself, to do the job of ‘MOM’, sends a message of insecurity to the child. “Oh gosh, if Mom is unsure of being Mom, then everything is uncertain. “ A child recognizing this, will try and figure things out independently, and secretly, I believe kids know they can’t handle making adult decisions…and they begin to act out. They begin tantrums, they begin writing the rules of the house, and that is scary for a child. Insecurity is scary.

Truth be known, most Moms out there aren’t really all that confident. There is a certain amount of assuming confidence until the real thing is built over time. Honestly, even time doesn’t grant full confidence in being Mom. Time simply gives us experience, whether with sick kids, sleeping through the night, feedings etc. More experienced Moms simply have that, more experience under their belts, and having passed through more of life’s trials, have confidence in their mothering.
I will say though, that even experienced Moms in the face of uncertainty, will feign confidence, because she knows, that the appearance of confidence to her children, brings peace, calm and gives her child, what the child needs most: security. She gives her child the belief that all will be well, because of Mom’s capable hands.

Does that mean Moms everywhere are really faking the real thing? To a certain degree, I do believe that, especially with young children, Moms value the peace and security that comes with a confident demeanor. Over time, children will probably never actually see the fake confidence turn into real confidence. They’ll just always see Mom knows just what to do, what is needed and she’s calm, she’s resourceful. Honestly, Mom herself probably doesn’t see the fake confidence turn into the real thing either, as most Moms retain a small amount of humility recognizing that each day is a new adventure, with all new possibilities that she might have no clue how to handle.

Now back to our definition – it’s the BELIEF in one’s own abilities. The definition doesn’t say PRIDE or LOVE of one’s own abilities, though it’s a slippery slope to that end, which becomes arrogance. (Arrogance often involves the disregard or contempt for others: A post for another day). Confidence is the belief that it is possible to be done by one’s abilities.

Now, insert, the fact that any abilities or gifts we might possess, are from God. Truly, our confidence to be Mother, comes from the knowledge that God gave us all the necessary abilities we need to do that job. Confidence comes from the belief that God gave us this job, we made us ‘Wife, Mom….Woman.’ AND He doesn’t abandon us to trudge through it alone. He’s there, waiting for us to ask Him. Trust in His wisdom gives us the ability to believe we can do it.