Last night's dinner brought with it a 'not-so-carefree' Mr. Carefree. His ordinarily happy, easy going nature was replaced by a pensive look and demeanor. Something was on his mind, for sure, which, by his thoughtful stare, let me think he's struggling to understand something that may have happened at school. I let it go for a while hoping he'd tell me without my asking, and sure enough it bothered him enough to speak up.
A little girl in his class was different from the rest of the kids, and I remember asking him at the beginning of the year, what was so different about her, and he couldn't really tell me, just that she quiet, shy and kept to herself. For him, that was enough to not be bothered with her, as he loved to get out his energy at recess and be outgoing with his friends.
Carefree began to remind me of this little girl that was different from the rest, and I assured him, that yes, indeed, I remembered her. He said, "Mom, she told me today that she was adopted."
My response was to be expected, "Ok, lots of kids are adopted. Does that bother you?"
His response next literally had me speechless. He said slowly, looking right into my eyes, "Mom, she used to have a mean Dad. He used to kick her a lot, and they took her away from him and now she has a new Mom and Dad. Why would a Dad do that?"
My heart broke. What to say. "Gosh, I don't know, sweetheart. That's not right."
He answered me, "I KNOW! Dads are supposed to be fun, like our Dad. I am so glad my Dad is nice. I don't want to leave."
What thoughts he must have been pondering....It put knots in my throat. "Honey, you aren't going anywhere, trust me. Mom and Dad would never do that to any of the kids. You know that, right?"
Carefree: "Yes, I know."
"Some kids have had a hard life. Does it help you to be her friend, now that you know she had bad things happen to her?"
Carefree: "Yes, I can be her friend. But I don't think she wants to talk about her old Dad anymore. That's what she said, she doesn't remember any more things."
"That's fine, you don't have to, just maybe invite her to play ball with you some time, so she knows she has friends at the school."
Carefree: "I can do that."
And just like that, Mr. Carefree's happy personality returned, though my disposition was quite disturbed. I guess I just wasn't quite ready for my seven year old son to bring something tragic like this home, and have to explain why some parents lack right judgment, or if he might get sent away after some punishment in our home. Yikes.
As much as the instinct as a Mom is to shelter the kids, the world won't wait forever. These are the ways these different realities are learned, from a friend at school, from the playground, from a cousin, a teacher, an uncle and so on. The Stay At Home Mom at Work should stand ready, ready to see an opportunity for a life lesson, and run with it.
I wasn't quite ready. But, thankfully, I was there.....I got to look him back into the eye, and assure him, nothing will happen like that in our home, that he's here to stay, and that very important virtue of compassion. Every day he will see this little girl in his class. Every day, he has the opportunity to show compassion, friendship, understanding and joy. I hope he takes these opportunities. I hope in those precious few minutes at the dinner table, I was able to give him a sense of security, love and obligation to reach out to others.
A little girl in his class was different from the rest of the kids, and I remember asking him at the beginning of the year, what was so different about her, and he couldn't really tell me, just that she quiet, shy and kept to herself. For him, that was enough to not be bothered with her, as he loved to get out his energy at recess and be outgoing with his friends.
Carefree began to remind me of this little girl that was different from the rest, and I assured him, that yes, indeed, I remembered her. He said, "Mom, she told me today that she was adopted."
My response was to be expected, "Ok, lots of kids are adopted. Does that bother you?"
My heart broke. What to say. "Gosh, I don't know, sweetheart. That's not right."
He answered me, "I KNOW! Dads are supposed to be fun, like our Dad. I am so glad my Dad is nice. I don't want to leave."
What thoughts he must have been pondering....It put knots in my throat. "Honey, you aren't going anywhere, trust me. Mom and Dad would never do that to any of the kids. You know that, right?"
Carefree: "Yes, I know."
"Some kids have had a hard life. Does it help you to be her friend, now that you know she had bad things happen to her?"
Carefree: "Yes, I can be her friend. But I don't think she wants to talk about her old Dad anymore. That's what she said, she doesn't remember any more things."
"That's fine, you don't have to, just maybe invite her to play ball with you some time, so she knows she has friends at the school."
Carefree: "I can do that."
And just like that, Mr. Carefree's happy personality returned, though my disposition was quite disturbed. I guess I just wasn't quite ready for my seven year old son to bring something tragic like this home, and have to explain why some parents lack right judgment, or if he might get sent away after some punishment in our home. Yikes.
As much as the instinct as a Mom is to shelter the kids, the world won't wait forever. These are the ways these different realities are learned, from a friend at school, from the playground, from a cousin, a teacher, an uncle and so on. The Stay At Home Mom at Work should stand ready, ready to see an opportunity for a life lesson, and run with it.
I wasn't quite ready. But, thankfully, I was there.....I got to look him back into the eye, and assure him, nothing will happen like that in our home, that he's here to stay, and that very important virtue of compassion. Every day he will see this little girl in his class. Every day, he has the opportunity to show compassion, friendship, understanding and joy. I hope he takes these opportunities. I hope in those precious few minutes at the dinner table, I was able to give him a sense of security, love and obligation to reach out to others.
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