And limbo can be a time for deep prayer, discernment and weighing out the possibilities. Limbo can be a time to purify intentions, identify a goal and see if that ultimate goal is worth the struggle that this tough decision can bring.
Alas, last night a final decision was made. I clicked 'send' on my email, and literally looked above my computer screen as if to see a floating culminating image of this tough decision. It was as if at that last second, I could stretch out my hand, and pull back my email floating just above my head, if necessary, and change my mind. It was surreal.
This morning, a great peace descended upon the house, which I can only describe as relief that the stress of weighing pros and cons had been finished and that God, indeed, had pointed the way. Ironic that this sense of enlightenment only comes AFTER a firm decision is made. I get it. I can sense how finally seeing the path before me, brings a peace, calm and determination to begin anew, on a new journey.
With that peace, there is an air of excitement as well. I know this begins something new and challenging, and with it, new opportunities for growth and change. And I fully recognize the very real possible near future of proving my qualifications AND lack there of, which is exciting and terrifying all at the same time.
I greet the peace and excitement with a personal joy and new conviction. I welcome the challenge and will attempt to see each new step in the process as God's personal plan for me to grow, be better, learn and give what meager pieces of service I can bring.
I have vision of a uniquely dignified, confident and secure woman, who handles diversity with peace and grace. I see her. She is like me. She has my face, but she's stronger. She stands just as I do, yet there is a serenity and fluidity that surrounds her. I can see my children's smiling faces milling around her feet that look exactly like my feet. She is me, but a futuristic possible me, if I can allow her, if I can move and learn. It see that vision as a gift. It's God showing me a possible future, if I but cooperate with Him.
Ultimately, that gift shifts the tide in only one direction. In essence, God pointed the way, by pointing to what I could learn and how I could grow. His finger pointing made the decision for me. However difficult to accept for myself, if I can, in all certainty know it is His plan, then all else pales in comparison. All obstacles seem to fade from view, as He can conquer all, and should He choose to allow me to suffer, it is only for my good and for the good of others. He goes before me always. Be Unafraid.