Gentleness

"I have three precious things which I hold fast and prize. The first is gentleness; the second frugality; the third is humility, which keeps me from putting myself before others. Be gentle and you can be bold; be frugal and you can be liberal; avoid putting yourself before others and you can become a leader among men."

— Lao-Tzu

First lesson: Gentleness.

I recently recognized a gift I have, and in my constant effort to accept myself, good and bad, I am learning just how to use and present this gift. However, I do see the need to use a kind of gentleness in order to offer this gift to someone else. We can't push our gifts onto others. We can't expect them to have what we have been given. We can't expect someone else to appreciate this gift either. Perhaps others wouldn't even see it as a gift at all!

So I am on the phone with a fellow Mom. I see she needs a little of my gift. I hear her asking for it, multiple times. I sit there, and physically force myself to bring to light a small solution for her. I walk gingerly in order to present this idea, as well as give of myself in order to hold her hand through the process. Just as I am not alone, she isn't either. If she is stepping on new ground, learning a new skill, I can at the very least hold her hand, step in line with her. Walk her walk, and step each step as if it were me, feeling and thinking just as she might be. Cautious to respect her freedom and individuality, I offer a way out. Perhaps what she was doing all along is working for her.

She wouldn't take it. She didn't want out. She indeed said the words, "I'm open for this."

Wow. I guess I always expect the worst. I expect at the first chance to run, someone will. I imagine in order to bring someone one step closer, I must drag them, not see them leap in my direction. So, in this one small instance, a five minute phone call, I saw my gift from another person's perspective.

I saw something I hadn't seen before. I noticed this small gift God has blessed me with, not as something ordinary, but something quite special, that not everyone has. This one Mom, I spoke to, has many gifts, I see them clearly with her, beautifully arranged throughout her person as a mysterious, grace-filled aura. And she needed something from me, to add to her arrangement of gifts and skills.

I sat in contemplation. Why is it so hard to accept our strengths? Are we drilled from early on to see them as nothing special, as inflated ego? If God has given them to us, and clearly others can see them on us, then why do we reject them? Why aren't we sharing them, as logic would tell us, that if indeed they came from God, then he'd want us to use them!

One small act of gentleness worked beautifully, like I hadn't seen in many years.  I was able to offer my gift to her, and help her to attain that same grace on her own.  It was thrilling.  It might not sound thrilling.  But it was and still is for me.

See, we don't always embrace ourselves.  Perhaps we don't even like what we see there, and even gloss over our strengths so carelessly.  In this one small moment, on the phone, a very big thing happened.  I saw this other Mom 'having it all':  things figured out, finances secure, virtue galore and an amazing skill set.  See, she intimidated me.  I worried what this Mom would think of me.  And this one moment, I found that it didn't matter what she thought of me.  It only mattered that she had a need, and I could offer to fill it, in some small way.

People who intimate us only have that power, because in essence, their qualities force us to look at ourselves and where we don't meaure up.  If we can stop comparing ourselves with others, then a true freedom can exist.  It's where self-acceptance takes over.  If we make a sincere peace with who we are, then there would be no intimadation.  We'd be free.  We'd offer ourselves, and if it was turned down, we'd be fine.  It wouldn't bother us.  We'd move on, happily. 

How often does THAT happen?  How often are we happy to move on after being rejected in some small manner?

This. Is.  Freedom.  No one bothers our soul, simply because we love and accept ourselves for who we are, for who God made us to be, for how we have failed, and for how we have succeeded.  How can we love all that?  Because through each and every good and bad deed, we find ourselves as God has made us, we find who He wants us to be.  It's a learning process.  And we can love the schooling we get through it all.  The schooling makes us better.....if and only if we are open to improvement.