This morning with my eldest three in school, I decided to take the little two, ages 4 and 18 months to run a few errands. First we stopped to pick up some new PJs for my 8 year old and browse the sales. Next we went to pick up some groceries on our way home.
All went well, until the check out at Dominick's. The cashier asked if my 4 year old would like a sticker for her good behavior. I looked at my little girl, wide-eyed and thrilled at the prospect, and said she may have ONE sticker. The cashier then gave her the little prize, but the smile on her face quickly turned to sadness as she had other plans in mind. She said she
wanted more stickers. I said clearly, No. One is good enough. Then my toddler decided to display a grand performance, a tantrum using even real tears….it would have earned her an Oscar for sure. The cashier, quickly grabbed a few more prizes for her, and said, “Here.” I said no again, and informed the cashier that my little girl needed to learn gratitude for the prize she did get.
The look I then received from the cashier, was one I would have expected if I had physically brutalized my child in front of her. My little one continued to cry and I looked at her, simply said, “We do not cry in the store. And now you may not have any stickers.” I took the one sticker and put it my purse.
The cries got louder, and the cashier was clearly disturbed at me, while I paid. Upon leaving the little one in hand, crying and shouting, when reaching the auto doors, all within ear shot heard “I WANT MY STICKER!” Needless to say, she was put straight to bed for that demonstration when we returned home.
But it got me to thinking how things have changed over the years. If ever I denied my child in public, I often got looks of approval, respect and admiration. Often I had heard remarks like, “Good for you, I hate to see bad behavior rewarded like so many parents do today.” Now, well, now I was looked at like I had just beaten my child for some trivial reason. I thought for sure a call to DCFS was going to take place…..I guess we’ll wait and see.
It’s a shift in our society. Parents who taught virtues like gratitude, simplicity and earning rewards, were the ideal. NOW, parents who don’t give in at every turn are frowned upon. Why this shift? If parents aren’t the ones to teach these virtues, who will? Well, let me tell you, NO ONE will.
This type of new parenting, that we see all too often, breeds a new generation of ingratitude, materialism and entitlement. How many times have you been to a birthday party for a child, and presents are opened quickly, glanced at, then pushed aside, asking for the next one. How many times have you seen a mother who has loaded up her grocery cart with the whims of whomever she brought with her. How many times have we seen parents who give all they can possibly afford to their children, ending up with children who are unhappy, selfish and lonely. (This reminds me of that movie, “Count of Monte Cristo” – Why did the Count’s friend betray him and hate him from the start? He had so little, but was so happy, and his rich friend was envious of his happiness. )
I haven’t commented on the Obamacare debate, as it’s hard to know all the facts, and have an accurate comment on it all. Yet, today at the grocery store, I had an epiphany. This generation’s attitude of entitlement is exactly what Obamacare is all about. We have been breeding a nation of people who think they deserve something for nothing. There is little motivation for hard work, when the government will hand over what ever you need. There is little reason for gratitude when always looking for what I can get for free.
The cashier at Dominick's probably had no idea what her disapproving look actually told me. With no words, she too, had accepted the state of our society, of giving even when undeserving. As cruel as a mother, as she may have thought I had been, I know the value of virtue. I know that virtue gives character to my children, it gives them a joyful life, being able to appreciate the little things, so when the big things do come, that car, that engagement ring, that home – they will be grateful, and not looking for a bigger diamond, a BMW or a mansion. They will be content. They will find joy.
No one said being a parent would be easy. At times, I want cringe when we don’t set a good example on a simple outing. However, it comes with the territory of forming our generation’s leaders. These kids, that we form now, with virtue, will be the same people that run our nation down the line. Our role should never be taken lightly. Sometimes we have to take that opportunity, yes, even in public, to instill virtue.
All went well, until the check out at Dominick's. The cashier asked if my 4 year old would like a sticker for her good behavior. I looked at my little girl, wide-eyed and thrilled at the prospect, and said she may have ONE sticker. The cashier then gave her the little prize, but the smile on her face quickly turned to sadness as she had other plans in mind. She said she
wanted more stickers. I said clearly, No. One is good enough. Then my toddler decided to display a grand performance, a tantrum using even real tears….it would have earned her an Oscar for sure. The cashier, quickly grabbed a few more prizes for her, and said, “Here.” I said no again, and informed the cashier that my little girl needed to learn gratitude for the prize she did get.The look I then received from the cashier, was one I would have expected if I had physically brutalized my child in front of her. My little one continued to cry and I looked at her, simply said, “We do not cry in the store. And now you may not have any stickers.” I took the one sticker and put it my purse.
The cries got louder, and the cashier was clearly disturbed at me, while I paid. Upon leaving the little one in hand, crying and shouting, when reaching the auto doors, all within ear shot heard “I WANT MY STICKER!” Needless to say, she was put straight to bed for that demonstration when we returned home.
But it got me to thinking how things have changed over the years. If ever I denied my child in public, I often got looks of approval, respect and admiration. Often I had heard remarks like, “Good for you, I hate to see bad behavior rewarded like so many parents do today.” Now, well, now I was looked at like I had just beaten my child for some trivial reason. I thought for sure a call to DCFS was going to take place…..I guess we’ll wait and see.
It’s a shift in our society. Parents who taught virtues like gratitude, simplicity and earning rewards, were the ideal. NOW, parents who don’t give in at every turn are frowned upon. Why this shift? If parents aren’t the ones to teach these virtues, who will? Well, let me tell you, NO ONE will.
This type of new parenting, that we see all too often, breeds a new generation of ingratitude, materialism and entitlement. How many times have you been to a birthday party for a child, and presents are opened quickly, glanced at, then pushed aside, asking for the next one. How many times have you seen a mother who has loaded up her grocery cart with the whims of whomever she brought with her. How many times have we seen parents who give all they can possibly afford to their children, ending up with children who are unhappy, selfish and lonely. (This reminds me of that movie, “Count of Monte Cristo” – Why did the Count’s friend betray him and hate him from the start? He had so little, but was so happy, and his rich friend was envious of his happiness. )
I haven’t commented on the Obamacare debate, as it’s hard to know all the facts, and have an accurate comment on it all. Yet, today at the grocery store, I had an epiphany. This generation’s attitude of entitlement is exactly what Obamacare is all about. We have been breeding a nation of people who think they deserve something for nothing. There is little motivation for hard work, when the government will hand over what ever you need. There is little reason for gratitude when always looking for what I can get for free.
The cashier at Dominick's probably had no idea what her disapproving look actually told me. With no words, she too, had accepted the state of our society, of giving even when undeserving. As cruel as a mother, as she may have thought I had been, I know the value of virtue. I know that virtue gives character to my children, it gives them a joyful life, being able to appreciate the little things, so when the big things do come, that car, that engagement ring, that home – they will be grateful, and not looking for a bigger diamond, a BMW or a mansion. They will be content. They will find joy.
No one said being a parent would be easy. At times, I want cringe when we don’t set a good example on a simple outing. However, it comes with the territory of forming our generation’s leaders. These kids, that we form now, with virtue, will be the same people that run our nation down the line. Our role should never be taken lightly. Sometimes we have to take that opportunity, yes, even in public, to instill virtue.
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