Skip to main content

Parenting and Social Networking

Mr. Anthony Orsini, Principal of Benjamin Franklin Middle School in Ridgewood, New Jersey wrote this email to all parents of children attending his school.  Amen, brother, he's right on, folks, right on.

Dear BF Community:

When I arrived in Ridgewood, Facebook did not exist, YouTube did not exist, and MySpace was barely in existence. Formspring (one of the newest Internet scourges, a site meant simply to post cruel things about people anonymously) wasn’t even in someone’s mind.


In 2010, social networking sites have now become commonplace, and technology use by students is beyond prevalent.

It is time for every single member of the BF community to take a stand!

There is absolutely no reason for any middle school student to be a part of a social networking site!

Let me repeat that - there is absolutely, positively no reason for any middle school student to be a part of a social networking site! None.

5 of the last 8 parents who we have informed that their child was posting inappropriate things on Facebook said their child did not have an account. Every single one of the students had an account.

3 students yesterday told a guidance counselor that their parents told them to close their accounts when the parents learned they had an account. All three students told their parents it was closed. All three students still had an account after telling their parents it was closed.

Most students are part of more than one social networking site.

Please do the following: sit down with your child (and they are just children still) and tell them that they are not allowed to be a member of any social networking site. Today!


Let them know that you will at some point every week be checking their text messages online! You have the ability to do this through your cell phone provider.

Let them know that you will be installing Parental Control software so you can tell every place they have visited online, and everything they have instant messaged or written to a friend. Don’t install it behind their back, but install it!

Over 90% of homework does not require the Internet, or even a computer. Do not allow them to have a computer in their room. There is no need.

Know that they can text others even if their phone doesn’t have texting capability, either through the computer or through their iPod Touch.

Have a central “docking system,” preferably in your bedroom, where all electronics in the home get charged each night, especially anything with a cell or with wi-fi capability (remember when you were in high school and you would sneak the phone into your bedroom at Midnight to talk to your girlfriend or boyfriend all night - now imagine what they can do with the technology in their rooms).

If your son or daughter is attacked through one of these sites or through texting, immediately go to the police! Insist that they investigate every situation. Also, contact the site and report the attack to the site - they have an obligation to suspend accounts, or they are liable for what is written.

We as a school can offer guidance and try to build up any student who has been injured by the social networking scourge, but please insist the authorities get involved.

For online gaming, do not allow them to have the interactive communication devices. If they want to play Call of Duty online with someone from Seattle, fine. They don’t need to talk to the person.


The threat to your son or daughter from online adult predators is insignificant compared to the damage that children at this age constantly and repeatedly do to one another through social networking sites or through text and picture messaging.

It is not hyperbole for me to write that the pain caused by social networking sites is beyond significant. It is psychologically detrimental and we will find out it will have significant long-term effects, as well as all the horrible social effects it already creates.

I will be more than happy to take the blame off you as a parent if it is too difficult to have the students close their accounts, but it is time they all get closed and the texts always get checked.


I want to be clear - this email is not anti-technology, and we will continue to teach responsible technology practices to students. They are simply not psychologically ready for the damage that one mean person online can cause, and I don’t want any of our students to go through the unnecessary pain that too many of them have already experienced.

Some people advocate that the parents and the school should teach responsible social networking to students because these sites are part of the world in which we live.

I disagree. It is not worth the risk to your child to allow them the independence at this age to manage these sites on their own, not because they are not good kids or responsible, but because you cannot control the poor actions of anonymous others.

Learn as a family about cyber safety together at www.wiredsafety.org for your own knowledge. It is a great site. But then do everything I asked in this email - because there really is no reason a child needs to have one of these accounts.

Please take action in your own home today.

Sincerely,

Anthony Orsini


Principal, BFMS

Comments

Popular Posts

Words Can Hurt

When we first started having children, like most people, we realized quickly how they often work as a mirror to our own actions. Letting a swear word slip here or there was not uncommon in our home, yet, when our first child was about 18 months or so, and hearing my swear word echo in the house for several days from her little lips, well, it was enough to curb my speech, dramatically.


And now, swear words are never spoken in front of the children, and we have adopted a few more words that are unacceptable in the house, even though common place in the world. Just another example at how, as parents, we truly are the domestic church. The world may be on the path of negativity, but the home is where we make the difference.

My four year old the other day, said, "I hate tomatoes!" Not the worst thing to hear from her mouth, granted, however, the word 'hate' bothers me a lot. 'Hate' is a very strong word, opposite of 'Love'. Think of how strong that word, …

Little Guys and Big Things

Sometimes, Veggie Tales stick with you. Even when an 8 year old seems too old for Veggie Tale stories, and reluctantly watches a few, the messages do stick. 

Over the weekend, my Knight was to serve Mass.  For the past few Sundays he has been serving, and we keep reminding him of the various ways to show reverence while doing his duties.....a bow to the tabernacle, folding of the hands and so forth.

Sunday, I happened to be watching Knight lather his gel in his hair to ready for Mass, and I once again, reminded him to keep his reverent ways about him while serving.  He made a distinct face at me, and said, "Ugh, Mom, those other server boys are bigger than me.  I don't want to do something they aren't doing."

"I understand, but you could set the example, because you know, what you are doing is the right thing."

He shook his head, looked at himself in the mirror, and seeing his own image reflected, said again, "I'm the youngest one there, Mom."…

Domo Arigato Gozaimasu Nihon - Thank You Japan

First, I apologize.  It's almost been a week since my last post, and life certainly has a way to take me over. 

We have many commitments, many places where we have promised our time and energy, and when sickness sets in for me or anyone in our home, life pretty much stops....for little while anyway.

Thankfully, the illnesses are down to minor colds, and as of yesterday, I am off the meds to treat a sinus infection.  But that's not all.  It's re-enrollment time at school, and every March we face the same uncertain future in debate...Can we swing yet another year's worth of financial commitment to our Catholic school, for four children.

It's a stressful time, it's uncertain, and I have to say, that security is something I thrive on.  Any insecurity, and I tell you, life just isn't right.  With the children unaware of our finessing the budget, we work to keep that calm and peace that assures the children all will be well.  But for me, inside, my heart sinks to…